Run No 1413

22^nd Sept 2007
Venue: Chamba Valley
Att 38
Hares: Anton, Silver Bullet and Cruella D’Evil

No Smoking, No Cooking, No Road

The dirt road to the hash redefined “bone-shaking”. Even in HM Lothario’s Luxury 4x4, the rutted, pitted 8km seemed like 80km. Half the 38 attendees arrived late probably because they underestimated the time needed, or simply because they always come late (Shevchenko) or didn’t read the directions before deleting the email (Goldfinger).

The well set trail made up for the agonies of getting to it. The walkers trail began straight uphill and kept going uphill for much further than you’d expect the landscape to allow. Combined with the heat it was tempting to give up – if someone was available to carry you – like Karl had to for his overweight pooch, finally sparing us of its beleaguered breathing that had followed us all the way. There was some confusion among some walkers regarding left and right (one being the opposite of the other) - Hare Cruella d’Evil and Nine lives both had differed ideas of which was which.

There were two holds for runners, the second was a scenic hold (praised by Neanderthal) that synchronised walkers and runners and provided much needed respite for humans and dogs. Pelican led the runners on-in followed closely behind by two tiny little boys whose eye level was exactly her derriere (probably giving them extra motivation)

The trail was exactly 8.5Km for runners as declared by Neanderthal and probably about half a km for Moby and Co – who took a stroll around the corner.

The circle was mismanaged by HM Lothario and RA silver bullet. Who in-between showering motormouth hashers with beer rewarded the following for their follies;

Haberdashery
Laurel selling hash T-shirts and mugs for sale

Hares
Neanderthal was genuinely impressed with the marking, views etc and awarded 9.8/10 to Anton, Silver Bullet and Cruella d’Evil

New urinals
Kristin from Canada and Adrian from Zambia

Hash immigrant
Bon Jovi from the Abuja Hash

Excuses galore
Karl had to lug around his fat dog for half the hash

Lifts
Ashleagh then had to fetch the car to give the dog a lift

Sitter
Young Assan got comfortable at a hold

Pissed on
At the hash meeting Nine Lives was pissed on (literally) by Squits’ dog

Cradle snatcher
Pelican had been pursued by 7 year old boys

Boycotts
Lookalikes – Mugabe was Anton, Gordon Brown as represented by Pelican and Mwanawasa as played by Halleluiah

Unmechanically minded
Bon Jovi had a shiny new 4x4, and it took 4 men 10 minutes to still fail to open the tailgate

Paraphernalia
Newcomer Adrian has strings coming out of both ears leading to his crotch

Baptism
Jackie, wife of Beard, will now be known as Bumfluff

Birthday
Newcomer Adrian had multiple indiscretions – sex on the hash and it was his birthday

Milestone
RA Silver Bullet has wasted 50 Saturdays

Public health warning
“I am the girl your mother warned you about” sang Moby Dick’s tee-shirt – a warning to all single men on the hash

Announcements
HM Lothario – Majoru meats would be providing cooked meat at next week’s hash so no BYO, - Wheelchair run following Sunday
Eyes - Hash Blog at lhhh3.blogspot.com

Hashshit
A jury consisting of Francophoney, Neanderthal, Kristin, Camien, Little John and Pelican decided Nine Lives had been pissed upon enough by Squits’ dog and awarded the shit to Squits

Receding hareline
30^th Sept Little Weed Wheelchair run
6^th Oct Cool dude
13^th Oct Blockhead, The Rabbi
20^th Oct Buju, Floss, Wild thing
27^th Oct Bullshit, Little John
3^rd Nov Squits and Jocelyn
10^th Nov Batman
17^th Nov Boy Blue
24^th Nov Cockroach (BYO Braai)
1^st Dec Beard and Jackie

Forthcoming Events
30^th Sept (Sunday) 11^th Annual Wheelchair Run. A fee of K50pin (adults) for the run, hash beer, T-shirts and lunch –cheaper than staying at home. Reduction for children. Please support this worthy charity function

AGPU – date and venue still to be decided, but location will be posh and likely date a Friday towards end of October or beginning of November. This function heralds the election (by appointment) of the new hash committee

On On!

Run No 1410

8th Sept 2007
Venue: Silky’s place, Leopard’s Hill

Att 35
Hares: Cabbage, the Preacher and Fireballs

Don’t Fence Me In
The hares set a symmetrical route which threaded through the fenced homesteads and lodges of Leopard’s Hill in the area south of the Forestry Reserve. It seems that everyone in the locality wants his own guest house. There were no holds and just seven checks. The latter, though well-planned and presumably incorporating false trails, were negated by hare Cabbage impersonating Lady Godiva by electing to ride her horse, Cheetah, along the actual track – all the pack had to do was follow the trail of fresh horseshit – a dead give-away and a product familiar to all hashers, especially the committee. Most of the walkers were back inside half-and-hour, Titanic excepted – she was DOA (drunk on arrival). Penguin breezed in after 35 minutes, Errol and Little Weed after 42 minutes, panting like Cheetah, having done a wrong way Corrigan circuit.

The Circle, sited near an impressive cairn and safely distant from the swimming pool provided the usually drollery, despite the best efforts of HM Lothario and RA Silver Bullet, who dished out down-downs as follows:

Hares
Cabbage, the Preacher and Fireballs were commended by the marker Goldilocks who found the route straightforward and exactly 7.5Km in length. A mark of 6/10 was awarded (presumably Cheetah was getting his oats elsewhere

New urinals
Jocelyn and young Giovanni (who prefers to be called Joey) from Malawi and Paul, an Englishman, allergic to beer introduced themselves to the circle

Visiting hashers
Jackie from Uganda, Beard, from Denmark and Miriam aka Fireballs, from Switzerland via Azerbaijan, made their LH3 debuts

Keen
On her first day in Zambia, Fireballs not only ran but also helped to set her first hash

Lookalike
RA Silver Bullet chose Titillator as stand in for the state president for a further SADC update

Desecrator
Cabbage took the rap for her mounts loose bowels. (most of the manure was cabbage green)

Sex in the City
According to the Daily Mail, Little Weed and other staff members have been putting it about at ISL

Tea Leaf
Batman’s cat stole the HM’s hat, using it for a pillow for the past month

Challenged
Goldfinger needed assistance in opening the gate to the venue yard

Shaven
Cool Dude shaved his legs smooth in order to look sharp in Kaputula

Unsociable
Errol and Little Weed stood accused of running the route anti-clockwise

Red Riding Hood
According to HM Lothario, someone was taking the piss out of Cream Soda because she came attired for the Red Dress Run

Litter Bugger
RA Silver Bullet found a discarded Shoprite credit card for K150 pin dated 6th June 2006 in the name of Goldilocks

Widowers
A triple for Laurel, RA Silver Bullet and Little Weed, who left their wives at home

New Shoes
Jocelyn would have been the latest victim of the hash rules but Squits, her introducer, was required to do the drinking

SCB’s
An attempted short cut by Nine Lives and Smutty Front Seat was foiled by fencing

Hard up
Boy Blue had a clearance sale of his marmalade and jam to raise money for his holiday airfare

Diplomats
Noticing his silver hair, Beard said, on meeting Floss, “You must be an old hasher”

Announcers
1) Batman - if you want your hash mug engraved with your hashname, see Jemmy at Arcades market 2) HM Lothario – run no 1411 will be at Chilanga, details TBA; 3) HM Lothario again – three weeks till the wheelchair Run, raffle and auction prizes needed

Interrupter
Squits enjoyed a noisy cellphone call just as the HM and RA were contemplating candidates for Hashshit

Hashshit
One-upmanship is not tolerated on the Hash. So it was a case of comeuppance for Cabbage who had exceeded even Mansell on the hash poser scale by arriving on horseback. So while Cheetah was enjoying a bucket of water, Cabbage received the Hashshit as her due and deserved award

Receding Hareline

22nd Sept Silver Bullet, Cruella D’evil
29th Sept Mansell, BYO Braai
30th Sept Sunday Wheelchair run
6th Oct Cool dude
13th Oct Blockhead, The Rabbi
20th Oct Buju, Floss, Wild thing
27th Oct Bullshit, Little John
3rd Nov Squits and Jocelyn
10th Nov Batman
17th Nov Boy Blue
24th Nov Cockroach (BYO Braai)
1st Dec Beard and Jackie

Forthcoming Events
20th Sept (Sunday) 11th Annual Wheelchair Run. A fee of K50pin (adults) for the run, hash beer, T-shirts and lunch –cheaper than staying at home. Reduction for children. Please support this worthy charity function

AGPU – date and venue still to be decided, but location will be posh and likely date a Friday towards end of October or beginning of November. This function heralds the election (by appointment) of the new hash committee
On On!

Run 1408

25th August 2007
Venue: De Jaager Farm, Leopards Hill Att 43
Hares: London, Squits and 1st Lady

No Mountain High Enough
“Do I look like I have nothing better to do” asked Pussy Galore. The convoy of people driving to adventure city advertised other possible Saturday afternoon divertissement but still the hash drew 43 participants. It was the first run to be set on the De Jaager farm. The plot was patrolled by two large (and quite ugly) dogs that scared Moby Dick into running around grabbing complete strangers – nothing new there.
The run was dry and dusty, as the time of year dictates, and passed through a semi-residential area, the inhabitants of which had mutilated hash signs and put up their own arrows in mealie meal. There were also “plots for sale” ads spelt out in flour right next to our hash marks. 10 minutes into the run, the walkers turned left for a path that looked suspiciously like it was headed back to the cars, so Nine Lives, Cream Soda and Smutty FS joined the runners on a loop that rejoined the walkers trail ten minutes and a thousand thorns later. The loop took us past farm workers houses were a young admirer declared to Cream Soda, “I love you. Come and be my wife!” Cream Soda declined politely as he looked aged 9 at most. Though the Adventure City hill loomed ominously over us the hares thankfully found something smaller to set the hash hold on. Still HM Lothario found something to complain about – an unfinished cesspit at the hold.
“It wasn’t long enough” whined Tarzin when he saw the on-in sign. The run lasted about 40- 45 minutes and as summer is nearing only a few unnaturally fit FRB’s were complaining.
HM Lothario and RA Silver Bullet presided over the circle. The down downs were followed by the monthly bring your own brai which was set up and moderated by Boy Blue.

Hares
Tarzin marked the run 3/-5 saying the trail was too short and the mountain not high enough

Virgins
Ziyaad (M) and London (M) from Zambia, Chris (M) from the US and Alex (F) from Australia

Disrupter
Cream Soda had to attend to a call during the circle

Navigator
Floss, or Uncle Flossie as he is fondly known, drove to the Kafue River Bridge in search of Farmer Pierre’s farm in Chilanga

Recidivist
After a long absence (approximately a decade) Fly reappeared

Thabo
Farmer Chris, resplendent in head to toe camouflage, stood in for fellow countryman Thabo Mbeki

Dishonest Hare
Buju told the HM that the run wasn’t long

Myopic
Little Weed mistook dark haired female Purple Bush for silver haired male Silver Bullet

Apologies
Tinkerbell was the week’s SADC presidential look-alike,

Accountant
Nine Lives follows his own rules on the hash, his 4, 5, on-on, sent front runners in the wrong direction

Runners
Eyes, First Lady and Scooby formed an elite running team

Second Sexplorer
The only Titty checking it out was Jen

Double Myopic
Quote of the day; Little Weed’s “I’m mixing up my Tripod with my Titus” (as long as you leave the toilet seat down)

Chip of the old block
Purplebush proved she really was Mrs Titus when she tried to get a discount on hash cash (Little Weed discretely put her on his list of debtors)

Dust Bunnies
Camien, Eyes and Smutty Front Seat were covered in dust for politely stepping aside to let runners pass on a narrow path

Shocker
Extremely Pressed dropped a toaster in the bath to attain her electric afro hairdo

Hash Stallion
The Penguin produced his first chick at 66

Baptism
Inseparable Camien and Hubert became inseparable Laurel and Hardy

Farmer
Farmer Chris was thanked with a hash mug

Announcements
HM Lothario announced next week’s run was a Turnip run at the Leopard’s hill power lines and reminded everyone about the Wheelchair run on 30th September

Hash Shit
The HM got his boxers in a twist over a hasher who insisted her hash name was really Margarine and it was (not Butter), but the hash shit shirt was awarded to the Penguin for producing a chick at 66. As the Penguin has quit the booze, Floss stood in for him, dribbling half the potty down his shirt

Receding Hareline
8th Sept Cabbage
30th Sept (Wheelchair Run at ISL) Little Weed
15th Sept Francophoney
6th Oct Cool Dude
22nd Sept Silver Bullet and Cruella d’Evil
13th Oct Pussy Galore, Itchy Bum, Goldfinger, Kerry
29th Sept Mansell, then BYO Braai
20th Oct Buju, Floss and Wild Thing
27th Oct Bullshit and Little John

Events
30th September Annual Wheelchair Run at International School of Lusaka

On On!!

Run No 1407; 18th Aug 2007

Venue: Farmer Pierre’s Chilanga Att 49
Hares: Little Weed, Extremely Pressed and Schumichael

Farmer Pierre’s Last Stand
For the second week running, the runners, numbered at 27, were in the majority. Another positive feature – there were no loafers. Starting from Pierre’s lawn, the trail stretched in a north-easterly direction across maize stubble fields and through scraggy burnt-off scrubland, ideal carbon footprint country. Although the route, threaded between wooded kopjes, never ventured more than 2km away from Zambia’s chief transport infrastructure, i.e. the Great North Road and the main railway line the pack enjoyed the isolated tranquillity of the pristine African bush.
The Duke on a return holiday visit led the charge on the hash horn. Several runners contested the rigorous pace but fewer putative participants managed to reach the 2nd hold well ahead of the main pack by dint of eschewing the 4km loops which joined the two holds via a series of serious hillocks.
Everyone, man, woman and child, was back within 65minutes, whereupon a prompt circle was called. HM Lothario and RA Silver Bullet sped through a list of mainly anonymous down-downs (they need to acquaint themselves with the names of all members of the their congregation) details of which were deduced more or less as follows;

Hares
Little Weed, Extremely Pressed and Schumichael were on duty yet again to good effort, receiving a mark of 9/10 from Rebecca who was very impressed b y the length of the run, the good views, and by the scar and soot smuts she picked up en route

New urinals
A strong North American contingent included Bryna (Canada); Shana, Sara and Tom (USA); and the more specific Jennifer (Colarado)

Recidivists
The Duke, The Duchess of Fife and family on a visit from Iceland to chill out; and the family of Dick, Monique and Hodiam, returning to LH3 for the first time since 1990

RA abuser
RA Silver Bullet took Monique to task for some imagined sleight (or perhaps she raced past him?)

Amnesiac
The Duchess of Fife could not, or chose not to, remember her hashname

Their Excellencies
Buju and Shevchenko, late on parade as usual acted as surrogates for certain SADC summit leaders, namely presidents Kabila and Dos Santos respectively, who missed the official opening of the conference

ZP
Buju was the obvious person to blame for last week’s traffic chaos in Lusaka

Blackout
Continuing on the SADC theme, RA Silver Bullet singled out electrician Penguin for responsibility for the Mulungushi power outage, until Pierre volunteered he information that his wife Catherine used to be a director of Zesco, so she then shared a triple together with Audrey, sitting in for Tomasina Solomao and Pierre himself, condemned by his accent, representing SA’s president

Geography failure
Lebanon thought that when she visited Ireland recently, she was in the HM’s homeland, but he is Welish

Hash heroes
Little Weed, Extremely Pressed and Schumichael were commended for having set 3 consecutive hashes

Baptisms
In order mainly to reduce his own confusion. HM Lothario put on a play within a play by Shakespeare in the act of baptising Brandon by the hashname of To Be and partner Bryna by the hashname of Not To Be

Farmer
Pierre drank from his new mug which he reported stolen within minutes

Announcers
1. The soon to be homeless To Be is looking for a cottage to rent; 2. Wild Thing – biltong for sale; 3. HM Lothario run 1408 will be at a new venue on Leopard’s hill road, near Adventure City – exact details TBA 4. The HM again, hash committee meeting on Tues 21st August at 1830hrs. Chez the RA Ibex hill and 5. HM yet again, Wheelchair run six weeks away, attendance compulsory for all hashers and donations, sponsors etc needed to support this annual charity function

Road hog
Pierre raced past the HM leaving him in the dusty wake of his farm truck

Hash horn
Pelican, who jogged to the venue gladly gave up to the horn to The Duke who denied laying claim to it

Chatter boxes
Randy and Ida rabbitted on about the school curriculum throughout the afternoon

Phoney astronomers
Claiming to have walked to a vantage point in the forest last week, allegedly to observe the sunset, Little Weed and Nine Lives were seen desecrating together in the moonlight

Hash Shit
No contest, according to HM Lothario, who, 13 years ago, on the occasion of LH3’s inaugural run on Pierre’s farm, had a run-in, a tete-a-tete with a tree. Both the tree and the HM were badly damaged in the collision necessitating tree and human surgery. The tree has made a full recovery but the jury is still out on the HM . The hash has a long memory (even the HM in this instance) and guess who planted the tree? Yes, Pierre, and HM Lothario, thick as a plank, lumbered straight into it, wouldn’t you know Timber City etc. So in 2007, HM Lothario extracts revenge for something that happened in 1994, So hashshit for Pierre

Receding hareline
1st Sept Bin Dealing, Per
30th Sept Sunday Wheelchair run
8th Sept Cabbage
6th Oct Cool dude
15th Sept Francophoney
13th Oct Blockhead, The Rabbi
22nd Sept Silver Bullet, Cruella D’evil
20th Oct Buju, Floss, Wild thing
29th Sept Mansell, BYO Braai
27th Oct Bullshit, Little John

On On!