Run 1408

25th August 2007
Venue: De Jaager Farm, Leopards Hill Att 43
Hares: London, Squits and 1st Lady

No Mountain High Enough
“Do I look like I have nothing better to do” asked Pussy Galore. The convoy of people driving to adventure city advertised other possible Saturday afternoon divertissement but still the hash drew 43 participants. It was the first run to be set on the De Jaager farm. The plot was patrolled by two large (and quite ugly) dogs that scared Moby Dick into running around grabbing complete strangers – nothing new there.
The run was dry and dusty, as the time of year dictates, and passed through a semi-residential area, the inhabitants of which had mutilated hash signs and put up their own arrows in mealie meal. There were also “plots for sale” ads spelt out in flour right next to our hash marks. 10 minutes into the run, the walkers turned left for a path that looked suspiciously like it was headed back to the cars, so Nine Lives, Cream Soda and Smutty FS joined the runners on a loop that rejoined the walkers trail ten minutes and a thousand thorns later. The loop took us past farm workers houses were a young admirer declared to Cream Soda, “I love you. Come and be my wife!” Cream Soda declined politely as he looked aged 9 at most. Though the Adventure City hill loomed ominously over us the hares thankfully found something smaller to set the hash hold on. Still HM Lothario found something to complain about – an unfinished cesspit at the hold.
“It wasn’t long enough” whined Tarzin when he saw the on-in sign. The run lasted about 40- 45 minutes and as summer is nearing only a few unnaturally fit FRB’s were complaining.
HM Lothario and RA Silver Bullet presided over the circle. The down downs were followed by the monthly bring your own brai which was set up and moderated by Boy Blue.

Hares
Tarzin marked the run 3/-5 saying the trail was too short and the mountain not high enough

Virgins
Ziyaad (M) and London (M) from Zambia, Chris (M) from the US and Alex (F) from Australia

Disrupter
Cream Soda had to attend to a call during the circle

Navigator
Floss, or Uncle Flossie as he is fondly known, drove to the Kafue River Bridge in search of Farmer Pierre’s farm in Chilanga

Recidivist
After a long absence (approximately a decade) Fly reappeared

Thabo
Farmer Chris, resplendent in head to toe camouflage, stood in for fellow countryman Thabo Mbeki

Dishonest Hare
Buju told the HM that the run wasn’t long

Myopic
Little Weed mistook dark haired female Purple Bush for silver haired male Silver Bullet

Apologies
Tinkerbell was the week’s SADC presidential look-alike,

Accountant
Nine Lives follows his own rules on the hash, his 4, 5, on-on, sent front runners in the wrong direction

Runners
Eyes, First Lady and Scooby formed an elite running team

Second Sexplorer
The only Titty checking it out was Jen

Double Myopic
Quote of the day; Little Weed’s “I’m mixing up my Tripod with my Titus” (as long as you leave the toilet seat down)

Chip of the old block
Purplebush proved she really was Mrs Titus when she tried to get a discount on hash cash (Little Weed discretely put her on his list of debtors)

Dust Bunnies
Camien, Eyes and Smutty Front Seat were covered in dust for politely stepping aside to let runners pass on a narrow path

Shocker
Extremely Pressed dropped a toaster in the bath to attain her electric afro hairdo

Hash Stallion
The Penguin produced his first chick at 66

Baptism
Inseparable Camien and Hubert became inseparable Laurel and Hardy

Farmer
Farmer Chris was thanked with a hash mug

Announcements
HM Lothario announced next week’s run was a Turnip run at the Leopard’s hill power lines and reminded everyone about the Wheelchair run on 30th September

Hash Shit
The HM got his boxers in a twist over a hasher who insisted her hash name was really Margarine and it was (not Butter), but the hash shit shirt was awarded to the Penguin for producing a chick at 66. As the Penguin has quit the booze, Floss stood in for him, dribbling half the potty down his shirt

Receding Hareline
8th Sept Cabbage
30th Sept (Wheelchair Run at ISL) Little Weed
15th Sept Francophoney
6th Oct Cool Dude
22nd Sept Silver Bullet and Cruella d’Evil
13th Oct Pussy Galore, Itchy Bum, Goldfinger, Kerry
29th Sept Mansell, then BYO Braai
20th Oct Buju, Floss and Wild Thing
27th Oct Bullshit and Little John

Events
30th September Annual Wheelchair Run at International School of Lusaka

On On!!

Run No 1407; 18th Aug 2007

Venue: Farmer Pierre’s Chilanga Att 49
Hares: Little Weed, Extremely Pressed and Schumichael

Farmer Pierre’s Last Stand
For the second week running, the runners, numbered at 27, were in the majority. Another positive feature – there were no loafers. Starting from Pierre’s lawn, the trail stretched in a north-easterly direction across maize stubble fields and through scraggy burnt-off scrubland, ideal carbon footprint country. Although the route, threaded between wooded kopjes, never ventured more than 2km away from Zambia’s chief transport infrastructure, i.e. the Great North Road and the main railway line the pack enjoyed the isolated tranquillity of the pristine African bush.
The Duke on a return holiday visit led the charge on the hash horn. Several runners contested the rigorous pace but fewer putative participants managed to reach the 2nd hold well ahead of the main pack by dint of eschewing the 4km loops which joined the two holds via a series of serious hillocks.
Everyone, man, woman and child, was back within 65minutes, whereupon a prompt circle was called. HM Lothario and RA Silver Bullet sped through a list of mainly anonymous down-downs (they need to acquaint themselves with the names of all members of the their congregation) details of which were deduced more or less as follows;

Hares
Little Weed, Extremely Pressed and Schumichael were on duty yet again to good effort, receiving a mark of 9/10 from Rebecca who was very impressed b y the length of the run, the good views, and by the scar and soot smuts she picked up en route

New urinals
A strong North American contingent included Bryna (Canada); Shana, Sara and Tom (USA); and the more specific Jennifer (Colarado)

Recidivists
The Duke, The Duchess of Fife and family on a visit from Iceland to chill out; and the family of Dick, Monique and Hodiam, returning to LH3 for the first time since 1990

RA abuser
RA Silver Bullet took Monique to task for some imagined sleight (or perhaps she raced past him?)

Amnesiac
The Duchess of Fife could not, or chose not to, remember her hashname

Their Excellencies
Buju and Shevchenko, late on parade as usual acted as surrogates for certain SADC summit leaders, namely presidents Kabila and Dos Santos respectively, who missed the official opening of the conference

ZP
Buju was the obvious person to blame for last week’s traffic chaos in Lusaka

Blackout
Continuing on the SADC theme, RA Silver Bullet singled out electrician Penguin for responsibility for the Mulungushi power outage, until Pierre volunteered he information that his wife Catherine used to be a director of Zesco, so she then shared a triple together with Audrey, sitting in for Tomasina Solomao and Pierre himself, condemned by his accent, representing SA’s president

Geography failure
Lebanon thought that when she visited Ireland recently, she was in the HM’s homeland, but he is Welish

Hash heroes
Little Weed, Extremely Pressed and Schumichael were commended for having set 3 consecutive hashes

Baptisms
In order mainly to reduce his own confusion. HM Lothario put on a play within a play by Shakespeare in the act of baptising Brandon by the hashname of To Be and partner Bryna by the hashname of Not To Be

Farmer
Pierre drank from his new mug which he reported stolen within minutes

Announcers
1. The soon to be homeless To Be is looking for a cottage to rent; 2. Wild Thing – biltong for sale; 3. HM Lothario run 1408 will be at a new venue on Leopard’s hill road, near Adventure City – exact details TBA 4. The HM again, hash committee meeting on Tues 21st August at 1830hrs. Chez the RA Ibex hill and 5. HM yet again, Wheelchair run six weeks away, attendance compulsory for all hashers and donations, sponsors etc needed to support this annual charity function

Road hog
Pierre raced past the HM leaving him in the dusty wake of his farm truck

Hash horn
Pelican, who jogged to the venue gladly gave up to the horn to The Duke who denied laying claim to it

Chatter boxes
Randy and Ida rabbitted on about the school curriculum throughout the afternoon

Phoney astronomers
Claiming to have walked to a vantage point in the forest last week, allegedly to observe the sunset, Little Weed and Nine Lives were seen desecrating together in the moonlight

Hash Shit
No contest, according to HM Lothario, who, 13 years ago, on the occasion of LH3’s inaugural run on Pierre’s farm, had a run-in, a tete-a-tete with a tree. Both the tree and the HM were badly damaged in the collision necessitating tree and human surgery. The tree has made a full recovery but the jury is still out on the HM . The hash has a long memory (even the HM in this instance) and guess who planted the tree? Yes, Pierre, and HM Lothario, thick as a plank, lumbered straight into it, wouldn’t you know Timber City etc. So in 2007, HM Lothario extracts revenge for something that happened in 1994, So hashshit for Pierre

Receding hareline
1st Sept Bin Dealing, Per
30th Sept Sunday Wheelchair run
8th Sept Cabbage
6th Oct Cool dude
15th Sept Francophoney
13th Oct Blockhead, The Rabbi
22nd Sept Silver Bullet, Cruella D’evil
20th Oct Buju, Floss, Wild thing
29th Sept Mansell, BYO Braai
27th Oct Bullshit, Little John

On On!