Run No 1413

22^nd Sept 2007
Venue: Chamba Valley
Att 38
Hares: Anton, Silver Bullet and Cruella D’Evil

No Smoking, No Cooking, No Road

The dirt road to the hash redefined “bone-shaking”. Even in HM Lothario’s Luxury 4x4, the rutted, pitted 8km seemed like 80km. Half the 38 attendees arrived late probably because they underestimated the time needed, or simply because they always come late (Shevchenko) or didn’t read the directions before deleting the email (Goldfinger).

The well set trail made up for the agonies of getting to it. The walkers trail began straight uphill and kept going uphill for much further than you’d expect the landscape to allow. Combined with the heat it was tempting to give up – if someone was available to carry you – like Karl had to for his overweight pooch, finally sparing us of its beleaguered breathing that had followed us all the way. There was some confusion among some walkers regarding left and right (one being the opposite of the other) - Hare Cruella d’Evil and Nine lives both had differed ideas of which was which.

There were two holds for runners, the second was a scenic hold (praised by Neanderthal) that synchronised walkers and runners and provided much needed respite for humans and dogs. Pelican led the runners on-in followed closely behind by two tiny little boys whose eye level was exactly her derriere (probably giving them extra motivation)

The trail was exactly 8.5Km for runners as declared by Neanderthal and probably about half a km for Moby and Co – who took a stroll around the corner.

The circle was mismanaged by HM Lothario and RA silver bullet. Who in-between showering motormouth hashers with beer rewarded the following for their follies;

Haberdashery
Laurel selling hash T-shirts and mugs for sale

Hares
Neanderthal was genuinely impressed with the marking, views etc and awarded 9.8/10 to Anton, Silver Bullet and Cruella d’Evil

New urinals
Kristin from Canada and Adrian from Zambia

Hash immigrant
Bon Jovi from the Abuja Hash

Excuses galore
Karl had to lug around his fat dog for half the hash

Lifts
Ashleagh then had to fetch the car to give the dog a lift

Sitter
Young Assan got comfortable at a hold

Pissed on
At the hash meeting Nine Lives was pissed on (literally) by Squits’ dog

Cradle snatcher
Pelican had been pursued by 7 year old boys

Boycotts
Lookalikes – Mugabe was Anton, Gordon Brown as represented by Pelican and Mwanawasa as played by Halleluiah

Unmechanically minded
Bon Jovi had a shiny new 4x4, and it took 4 men 10 minutes to still fail to open the tailgate

Paraphernalia
Newcomer Adrian has strings coming out of both ears leading to his crotch

Baptism
Jackie, wife of Beard, will now be known as Bumfluff

Birthday
Newcomer Adrian had multiple indiscretions – sex on the hash and it was his birthday

Milestone
RA Silver Bullet has wasted 50 Saturdays

Public health warning
“I am the girl your mother warned you about” sang Moby Dick’s tee-shirt – a warning to all single men on the hash

Announcements
HM Lothario – Majoru meats would be providing cooked meat at next week’s hash so no BYO, - Wheelchair run following Sunday
Eyes - Hash Blog at lhhh3.blogspot.com

Hashshit
A jury consisting of Francophoney, Neanderthal, Kristin, Camien, Little John and Pelican decided Nine Lives had been pissed upon enough by Squits’ dog and awarded the shit to Squits

Receding hareline
30^th Sept Little Weed Wheelchair run
6^th Oct Cool dude
13^th Oct Blockhead, The Rabbi
20^th Oct Buju, Floss, Wild thing
27^th Oct Bullshit, Little John
3^rd Nov Squits and Jocelyn
10^th Nov Batman
17^th Nov Boy Blue
24^th Nov Cockroach (BYO Braai)
1^st Dec Beard and Jackie

Forthcoming Events
30^th Sept (Sunday) 11^th Annual Wheelchair Run. A fee of K50pin (adults) for the run, hash beer, T-shirts and lunch –cheaper than staying at home. Reduction for children. Please support this worthy charity function

AGPU – date and venue still to be decided, but location will be posh and likely date a Friday towards end of October or beginning of November. This function heralds the election (by appointment) of the new hash committee

On On!

Run No 1410

8th Sept 2007
Venue: Silky’s place, Leopard’s Hill

Att 35
Hares: Cabbage, the Preacher and Fireballs

Don’t Fence Me In
The hares set a symmetrical route which threaded through the fenced homesteads and lodges of Leopard’s Hill in the area south of the Forestry Reserve. It seems that everyone in the locality wants his own guest house. There were no holds and just seven checks. The latter, though well-planned and presumably incorporating false trails, were negated by hare Cabbage impersonating Lady Godiva by electing to ride her horse, Cheetah, along the actual track – all the pack had to do was follow the trail of fresh horseshit – a dead give-away and a product familiar to all hashers, especially the committee. Most of the walkers were back inside half-and-hour, Titanic excepted – she was DOA (drunk on arrival). Penguin breezed in after 35 minutes, Errol and Little Weed after 42 minutes, panting like Cheetah, having done a wrong way Corrigan circuit.

The Circle, sited near an impressive cairn and safely distant from the swimming pool provided the usually drollery, despite the best efforts of HM Lothario and RA Silver Bullet, who dished out down-downs as follows:

Hares
Cabbage, the Preacher and Fireballs were commended by the marker Goldilocks who found the route straightforward and exactly 7.5Km in length. A mark of 6/10 was awarded (presumably Cheetah was getting his oats elsewhere

New urinals
Jocelyn and young Giovanni (who prefers to be called Joey) from Malawi and Paul, an Englishman, allergic to beer introduced themselves to the circle

Visiting hashers
Jackie from Uganda, Beard, from Denmark and Miriam aka Fireballs, from Switzerland via Azerbaijan, made their LH3 debuts

Keen
On her first day in Zambia, Fireballs not only ran but also helped to set her first hash

Lookalike
RA Silver Bullet chose Titillator as stand in for the state president for a further SADC update

Desecrator
Cabbage took the rap for her mounts loose bowels. (most of the manure was cabbage green)

Sex in the City
According to the Daily Mail, Little Weed and other staff members have been putting it about at ISL

Tea Leaf
Batman’s cat stole the HM’s hat, using it for a pillow for the past month

Challenged
Goldfinger needed assistance in opening the gate to the venue yard

Shaven
Cool Dude shaved his legs smooth in order to look sharp in Kaputula

Unsociable
Errol and Little Weed stood accused of running the route anti-clockwise

Red Riding Hood
According to HM Lothario, someone was taking the piss out of Cream Soda because she came attired for the Red Dress Run

Litter Bugger
RA Silver Bullet found a discarded Shoprite credit card for K150 pin dated 6th June 2006 in the name of Goldilocks

Widowers
A triple for Laurel, RA Silver Bullet and Little Weed, who left their wives at home

New Shoes
Jocelyn would have been the latest victim of the hash rules but Squits, her introducer, was required to do the drinking

SCB’s
An attempted short cut by Nine Lives and Smutty Front Seat was foiled by fencing

Hard up
Boy Blue had a clearance sale of his marmalade and jam to raise money for his holiday airfare

Diplomats
Noticing his silver hair, Beard said, on meeting Floss, “You must be an old hasher”

Announcers
1) Batman - if you want your hash mug engraved with your hashname, see Jemmy at Arcades market 2) HM Lothario – run no 1411 will be at Chilanga, details TBA; 3) HM Lothario again – three weeks till the wheelchair Run, raffle and auction prizes needed

Interrupter
Squits enjoyed a noisy cellphone call just as the HM and RA were contemplating candidates for Hashshit

Hashshit
One-upmanship is not tolerated on the Hash. So it was a case of comeuppance for Cabbage who had exceeded even Mansell on the hash poser scale by arriving on horseback. So while Cheetah was enjoying a bucket of water, Cabbage received the Hashshit as her due and deserved award

Receding Hareline

22nd Sept Silver Bullet, Cruella D’evil
29th Sept Mansell, BYO Braai
30th Sept Sunday Wheelchair run
6th Oct Cool dude
13th Oct Blockhead, The Rabbi
20th Oct Buju, Floss, Wild thing
27th Oct Bullshit, Little John
3rd Nov Squits and Jocelyn
10th Nov Batman
17th Nov Boy Blue
24th Nov Cockroach (BYO Braai)
1st Dec Beard and Jackie

Forthcoming Events
20th Sept (Sunday) 11th Annual Wheelchair Run. A fee of K50pin (adults) for the run, hash beer, T-shirts and lunch –cheaper than staying at home. Reduction for children. Please support this worthy charity function

AGPU – date and venue still to be decided, but location will be posh and likely date a Friday towards end of October or beginning of November. This function heralds the election (by appointment) of the new hash committee
On On!